she didn't want to be.
she didn't want to know.
she couldn't run away 'cause she was crazy.
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like.i.always.used.to.do.
i carry you around, in the background.
16 May 2008 @ 02:46 pm
so I don't want to be all oh hi I have the biggest ego ever, but yesterday I saved my grandpa's life, Or rather my actions saved his life. The cardiologist at the hospital said if I hadn't called 911 or given the information that I did so they could send the advanced life support team my gramps would have died yesterday.
it was a really scary thought.
today my aunt and I went to visit him at the hospital and I loaded up my aunt's ipod shuffle with a bunch of his favourite music, and after showing him how to use it he turned it on and the first song that came on was "What a Wonderful World".
that was kind of the best moment ever.
it was a really scary thought.
today my aunt and I went to visit him at the hospital and I loaded up my aunt's ipod shuffle with a bunch of his favourite music, and after showing him how to use it he turned it on and the first song that came on was "What a Wonderful World".
that was kind of the best moment ever.
25 February 2008 @ 11:12 am
I sit here at work, the day before my twenty-first birthday, sipping my energy drink (and trying very hard to shake this wretched flu) - contemplating my life.
it sounds very deep and thought-provoking but it isn't all that much.
As of tomorrow I'm techically and officially an "adult" - recognizable globally. It's kind of intimidating. I don't feel like very much of an "adult" despite having my first "real" job (which I'm quitting, officially.... I have two weeks left here). I'm in a loving, mostly stable (as much as can be) relationship with a wonderful man who buys me pretty promise rings for Valentine's Day and tells me regularily that I'm his world.
The absolute bare bones truth of the matter is divided into two main thoughts - I am absolutely scared of "growing up" of getting older of becoming an "adult" of facing the future and responsiblity. That, and that I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life. It's not really going anywhere. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm blisfully content and satisfied........ but I'm not doing anything with myself the way my parents always expected me to. I never finished college, or did anything with the college education I do have. This is the first job I've ever held down where it has real responsibilities and a pay over minimum wage.... and I'm quitting because I can't handle the toll the stress is taking out on my personal life and relationships.
We're moving at the end of this week into a house that's not even out of it's construction stages yet.... and that in itself is a pretty scary thought. I just don't feel like I'm ready for this sudden change of adulthood.... I feel like I'm not ready for all of the things that I've been told accompany it. But maybe I'm simply overreaccting and putting too much emphasis on a number, on a day...
it sounds very deep and thought-provoking but it isn't all that much.
As of tomorrow I'm techically and officially an "adult" - recognizable globally. It's kind of intimidating. I don't feel like very much of an "adult" despite having my first "real" job (which I'm quitting, officially.... I have two weeks left here). I'm in a loving, mostly stable (as much as can be) relationship with a wonderful man who buys me pretty promise rings for Valentine's Day and tells me regularily that I'm his world.
The absolute bare bones truth of the matter is divided into two main thoughts - I am absolutely scared of "growing up" of getting older of becoming an "adult" of facing the future and responsiblity. That, and that I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing with my life. It's not really going anywhere. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, I'm blisfully content and satisfied........ but I'm not doing anything with myself the way my parents always expected me to. I never finished college, or did anything with the college education I do have. This is the first job I've ever held down where it has real responsibilities and a pay over minimum wage.... and I'm quitting because I can't handle the toll the stress is taking out on my personal life and relationships.
We're moving at the end of this week into a house that's not even out of it's construction stages yet.... and that in itself is a pretty scary thought. I just don't feel like I'm ready for this sudden change of adulthood.... I feel like I'm not ready for all of the things that I've been told accompany it. But maybe I'm simply overreaccting and putting too much emphasis on a number, on a day...
Current Location: Vancouver Career College
Current Music: Rhinoceros - The Smashing Pumpkins
19 January 2008 @ 09:52 am
yesterday I got a letter from an old friend. it made me smile (heart&head). thankyou (you know who you are).
10 January 2008 @ 03:50 pm
sometimes I miss home, just the general idea of it.....
how do you define "home" anyway? is it a feeling, a place, an idea, all of the above?
how do you define "home" anyway? is it a feeling, a place, an idea, all of the above?
03 January 2008 @ 07:31 pm
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?: I moved out of my parents house.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: I don't make new years resolutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: not that i can recall
4. Did anyone close to you die?: several grandparents, friends and family
5. What countries did you visit?: united states
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?: money, a car, no debts
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: January 1, 2007 maybe... because that's when Mike finally grew a pair and told me he wanted to be in a relationship with me; that or June 9th when I moved out of my parents house, across the country and moved in with him.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Getting a "real" job.
9. What was your biggest failure?: relying on too many people other than myself (and having it kick you in the ass)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: yes, I got hit by a truck
11. What was the best thing you bought?: proper clothes/shoes for work
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: my own, certain friends & family
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: occasionally my boyfriends
14. Where did most of your money go?: plane tickets, trying to improve my quality of living in bc
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: seeing the smashing pumpkins & tegan and sara (4x)
16. What cds will always remind you of 2007?: the con / so jealous - tegan and sara; lars and the real girl soundtrack
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: happier
Older or wiser: i would like to think both
Thinner or fatter: fatter!
Richer or poorer: richer (to a degree)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: stood up for myself
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: fighting
20. How did you spend Christmas?: With my family and Mike's
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?: I spent it with Mike downtown (it also falls on our anniversary) in a hotel
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?: I fell more in love if that counts
23. How many one-night stands?: none
24. What was your favorite TV program?: the office, arrested development, one tree hill
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I would probably say so
26. What was the best book you read?: Lost Girls and Love Hotels, that or The Salterton Trilogy
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: I don't know, I was passed on some pretty great music in 07
28. What did you want and get?: a solid boyfriend / relationship
29. What did you want and not get?: my own place
30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?: Lars and the Real Girl
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I turned twenty, and I spent it at Casey's with my parents and I think Shauna
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: If Mike and I had our own place
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?: jeans and hoodies? I'm totally fucking stylish alright - a regular fashionista
34. What kept you sane?: long looooooooooong bitch fests with Will who always makes me feel better with pizza, ice cream and pumpkins
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Michael Cera is kind of my dream boyfriend, him or John Krasinski
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: to be honest, not really any. I'm a terrible person
37. Who did (do) you miss?: My friends, my mommy and daddy
38. Who was the best new person/people you met?: I didn't really meet anyone new, but I re-connected with old friends
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: nothing ever works out the way you want it to
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Hold out for the ones you know will love you, hide out from the ones you know will love you too"
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?: I don't make new years resolutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?: not that i can recall
4. Did anyone close to you die?: several grandparents, friends and family
5. What countries did you visit?: united states
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?: money, a car, no debts
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?: January 1, 2007 maybe... because that's when Mike finally grew a pair and told me he wanted to be in a relationship with me; that or June 9th when I moved out of my parents house, across the country and moved in with him.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?: Getting a "real" job.
9. What was your biggest failure?: relying on too many people other than myself (and having it kick you in the ass)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?: yes, I got hit by a truck
11. What was the best thing you bought?: proper clothes/shoes for work
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?: my own, certain friends & family
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?: occasionally my boyfriends
14. Where did most of your money go?: plane tickets, trying to improve my quality of living in bc
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?: seeing the smashing pumpkins & tegan and sara (4x)
16. What cds will always remind you of 2007?: the con / so jealous - tegan and sara; lars and the real girl soundtrack
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder: happier
Older or wiser: i would like to think both
Thinner or fatter: fatter!
Richer or poorer: richer (to a degree)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?: stood up for myself
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?: fighting
20. How did you spend Christmas?: With my family and Mike's
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?: I spent it with Mike downtown (it also falls on our anniversary) in a hotel
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?: I fell more in love if that counts
23. How many one-night stands?: none
24. What was your favorite TV program?: the office, arrested development, one tree hill
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?: I would probably say so
26. What was the best book you read?: Lost Girls and Love Hotels, that or The Salterton Trilogy
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?: I don't know, I was passed on some pretty great music in 07
28. What did you want and get?: a solid boyfriend / relationship
29. What did you want and not get?: my own place
30. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?: Lars and the Real Girl
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?: I turned twenty, and I spent it at Casey's with my parents and I think Shauna
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?: If Mike and I had our own place
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?: jeans and hoodies? I'm totally fucking stylish alright - a regular fashionista
34. What kept you sane?: long looooooooooong bitch fests with Will who always makes me feel better with pizza, ice cream and pumpkins
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?: Michael Cera is kind of my dream boyfriend, him or John Krasinski
36. What political issue stirred you the most?: to be honest, not really any. I'm a terrible person
37. Who did (do) you miss?: My friends, my mommy and daddy
38. Who was the best new person/people you met?: I didn't really meet anyone new, but I re-connected with old friends
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007: nothing ever works out the way you want it to
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "Hold out for the ones you know will love you, hide out from the ones you know will love you too"
29 November 2007 @ 12:16 pm
the sun has blessed the rays are gone and all the kids have left their tears and gone home sweet seventeen sour twenty-nine and i can't explain myself what i'd hoped to find you were all so kind when i was near and if you're still feeling down then maybe you need me around to love and hold you don't say i hadn't told you so maybe you need me around i had no luck i had no shame i had no cause just seventeen days of rain and you in my eyes just one more song to slay this earth and i can't explain myself just what it's worth it was all i had but not all i'd need and i can't escape the fact that i still bleed and if you're still feeling down and if this seems way too loud then maybe you need me around i had no voice i had no drive i had no choice i'd done my time i had myself i had my band i had my love i had no hand in watching it all fall apart and if you're still feeling down then maybe you need me around to lift and scold you to send you crashing all right now maybe you need me around....
02 February 2007 @ 02:56 pm
I keep telling myself...I keep telling myself, I'm not the desperate type.
(I'm also a terrible liar)
(I'm also a terrible liar)
24 December 2006 @ 12:55 am
happy christmas eve kids.
it's currently 1am on christmas eve, and i have not even started my christmas wrapping. i work in 6 hours, and tomorrow is the big turkey dinner. but i wanted to say happy holidays to everyone on my f-list and that i hope everyone has a good one (however they may celebrate it).
cheers!
love, cedes
it's currently 1am on christmas eve, and i have not even started my christmas wrapping. i work in 6 hours, and tomorrow is the big turkey dinner. but i wanted to say happy holidays to everyone on my f-list and that i hope everyone has a good one (however they may celebrate it).
cheers!
love, cedes
21 December 2006 @ 12:21 pm
i want wishes on eyelashes, and stars so bright they almost hurt your eyes.
that moment of silece; sitting on swings, feet dragging in frozen sand.
perfect completion.
i want nothing and everything all at the same time.
and i want it all right now.
that moment of silece; sitting on swings, feet dragging in frozen sand.
perfect completion.
i want nothing and everything all at the same time.
and i want it all right now.
( etc. )
Current Mood: 
restless
restlessCurrent Music: karma police - radiohead
25 November 2006 @ 09:33 am
I'M MAKING ABOUT A MILLION POSTS TODAY, BUT I'M ON MY SECOND WIND SO BEAR WITH ME. AND HAVE FUN. BECAUSE ALL OF YOU ON MY FRIEND'S LIST ARE SMART AND MUSICALLY INCLINED, AND I LOVE DOING THESE. AND AS YOU CAN SEE BY MY LAZINESS IN NOT YET REMOVING CAPS LOCK, I'M HYPER-ENERGIZED. SO THEREFORE I PRESENT TO YOU...
Step 1: Put your _____ on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from (No skipping songs allowed, to seem "cool")
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: No cheating (ie NO GOOGLE).
Step 1: Put your _____ on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone guess what song and artist the lines come from (No skipping songs allowed, to seem "cool")
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: No cheating (ie NO GOOGLE).
16 June 2006 @ 05:35 am
22 May 2005 @ 07:14 pm